Oh dear, oh my!
So, on a positive note, my friend... hmm.... What should I call her? I like to change names to protect the innocent, but it gets confusing for readers. She's a relatively new friend, but a very good one. I've known her for a couple years (wow! really?) but we became close over the last six months or so. I'll call her Garden Gal. So, Garden Gal invited another friend of ours to knit and have coffee with us before she moves away. I couldn't make it today... I should have! I feel terrible about missing my time with them, because I probably won't see the other gal again. They had a lot of fun without me! But I have a rotten cold and was afraid either I would give it to them, or I'd feel even worse. I'm lucky to have made such a generous and sweet friend. Garden Gal has made dinners and going away gifts for our friend and it's really awesome to see what a giver she is! It's lovely to see someone just give of herself because that's the kind of person she is. Not to score brownie points with church members.
Oh a crappy note... Mrs. Garden Gnome and I aren't doing well. I've been avoiding church because of her to be honest. Last week, she sent me a message asking me what was up. She missed our friendship and wanted to know if she did anything wrong. Oh, and by the way, come to the Women's Bible study on Tuesday. Jeez. She can never just ask how things are, there always has to be an association with church. Fine and dandy, but it just made things all the more clear about where I stood. I always told Michael that if she ever asked, I would tell her. So I ruminated on it for a few days, and told wrote back. I think I was nice. I tried to put it on me not being good enough, because I think that's really how she felt. I just got a response and I'm too darn chicken to read it!
I had really hoped Mrs. Garden Gnome and I would be good friends. Ones that lasted. Could be comfortable being around one another in good and bad. Could be honest and not put on airs. She had moments of being very supportive, and had other moments of being a gossip. (I've always felt that if someone was gossiping TO me, then chances were pretty good they would soon be gossiping ABOUT me.) And even more moments of making me feel like I could never measure up to her standards and I was a "project". I'm very sensitive to being judged. Call it an inferiority complex, low self esteem. In my message to her, I explained all those things. That I'm sensitive. That I felt I was her project. And that as a result I felt that I should distance myself from her until we are "more equally yolked". I wonder how awkward church will be next week? Oh, dear.
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