::Serendipity::

Extracting the Wad ________________________________________________________________

Mother Myrtle do I have my panties in a wad. Firmly wedged in my crack and no polite way of extracting them kind of a wad.

I don't have a good reason for it either. I got out of the house tonight for the first time in weeks. Went to a movie and had a great dinner with my husband. I was looking forward to that forever. I was wearing my favorite sweater (thanks, Mom) and my favorite shoes and my hair was even behaving.

What the hell is my malfunction? I'm so irritated with my husband I don't even want to go to bed. What did he do? I don't know. He's been kind of off this week. Closed off a little more than usual. He's been making comments that aren't necessarily hurtful or mean, but they are just enough to send me back pedaling to my old mousy ways. I ask what's wrong. He'll tell me such and such at work, or his back hurts, or whatever. I'll say I'm so sorry. As if I had anything to do with it! It's not just that I'm sorry because I love him and I'm being compassionate, it's because I truly am starting to feel like I am somehow the cause. I'm back into doormat mousy mode and I hate it. It pisses me off, in fact.

So I guess that is my major malfunction and I didn't even really realize it until I started typing. Thank you Lord, for blogs!

Here's another secret. I'm starting to get scared again. Friends tonight talked about this big vacation they took for a couple weeks. Went to Maine, Las Vegas and Florida and had a great time. All I could think about is how I hate planes and would be scared to death go travel alone again because to get anywhere from here you have to take at least 3 connecting flights and no one is ever on time. Trapped in an airport with strangers in a strange place and no way to get home freaks me out a tad. It's much nicer and safer here in my little house in the woods. I would love to be warm and feel the sun, but I kind of like winter because it's too cold to be outside to do anything. I don't have to face neighbors or their kids or anyone. And I'm starting to feel like hiding, even inside my own house. I get overwhelmed, and go to my room for a while. Which wouldn't be a big deal, and is probably even good for me. The reason for it is what isn't good.

I just need to find a way to get out more. Practice being around people again. I sound mad, don't I?

I'm curious... How many of you go a week or more without leaving your house? Any of you? Do you think it would eventually become an issue? Would you get stir crazy, or start to enjoy your cocoon?

posted by Terri at 2/02/2008 01:32:00 AM >6 comments

6 Comments:

<$BlogCommentAuthor$> said...: <$BlogCommentBody$>; <$BlogCommentDateTime$> <$BlogCommentDeleteIcon$>