::Serendipity::

Stalker Bait ________________________________________________________________

Most of the time, it's really easy for us to forget Michael is a local "celebrity". With the radio show and weekly TV show, sure folks stop us at the store or restaurants, but it's usually about politics. It's not like they come up and want an autograph or anything. Although a few people have asked for pictures with him. Weird.

But not as weird as the asshat that called our house at 4 in the morning. I was barely asleep, but I heard the phone ring and jumped out of bed because at that hour either someone is dead or dying. I didn't make it to the phone in time before it went to voice mail and the caller ID was a name I didn't recognize. Michael woke up when I tripped over myself trying to get to the phone and he didn't know who it was either. He called again and Michael talked to him. The conversation went something like this:

"Did you call my house at 4 in the morning?"

"No. Who is this?"

"This is Michael. Did you just call here?"

"Michael who?"

"My caller ID says someone from your number just called me. It's the same number that called me at 4AM. Did you call me?"

"Michael?"

"Yes, that's me."

"You're the dude from the TV show."

Pause.

"Hey, have you ever thought about shaving?"

"What?!"

"Have you ever thought about shaving? You know. Your beard. Have you ever thought about shaving it off?"

"You called my house at 4 in the morning to ask me if I've thought about shaving?"

"Hey, I didn't know what time it was. I didn't look at the time."

"What kind of person doesn't know the time? Do you call everyone at 4 in the morning? Don't call my house ever again!"

SLAM. Or, click, since you push a button to hang up a phone now, you don't put the receiver down.

So Michael called the phone company and told them of our little issue and they were very understanding and said they would be happy to give us an unlisted phone number. For a monthly fee. But of course old phone books are everywhere. We could change our phone number to anything they have available. For another fee. These are not small fee's, people.

I know, I know. We should have been unlisted years ago. We've been incredibly fortunate so far, and haven't actually had too many asshats calling us. Most of them have been nice enough people, fans of the show, or wanted to ask for help with something. I never really thought it would be necessary. We might just turn off our phone and use our cell. But what about DSL? I needs my DSL, man. NEEDS it. Can we still have DSL without a phone line?

The time has come to face facts. I guess my husband is a celebrity and it's time we started taking precautions.

Last summer, a nice old man showed up on our doorstep with a bag of books for the kids. He is a WWII vet and listens to Michael's show. He found our house because of things Michael has said on the air and he drove around until he saw our mailbox. I freaked out a bit over that, but he was nice old man. No harm, no foul. I have talked to some wackos who have called our house though. I used to be polite. Now I just say I have to go and hang up and hope they don't call back. I hope they don't talk to the old man and find out where we live.

Now Michael is afraid to mention on the air when he's going to take vacation time because his audience could figure out I'm alone with the kids. Yeah, that makes me nervous too. So either he's a slacker for not doing his show, or I'm home alone, stalker bait.

Cripes, does it even matter? People can Google your phone number and get a lovely map to your doorstep. Or Google your name, find your phone number and then get a lovely map to your doorstep.

I know. I sound paranoid now. I've never wanted to make a big deal about his "celebrity" because it seemed pompous. And it really isn't that big of a whoop. There have just been too many incidents over the years he's been doing his show. I didn't used to mind because people only recognized him, but now sometimes they recognize me too. I don't know how, but they do. When I'm at the grocery store with my hair in a ponytail and no lipstick on, buying feminine hygiene products, that's the last moment I want to be recognized by one of Michael's fans/ex-girlfriends/ex-girlfriends mother/cousin/sister/stalker. Somehow it happens more often then not. Which is why I ask Michael to stop on his way home to buy feminine hygiene products and his fans/stalkers/ex's can recognize him and stop for a chat!

Besides. I'm still grounded. The van goes in this week to be worked on. That will probably take until next year so I'm stuck at home with the kids as Stalker Bait. Tampons are the least of my worries.

This entry is tongue in cheek. A little. I'm not really freaked out about stalkers.

Much.

posted by Terri at 11/14/2007 02:27:00 PM >6 comments

6 Comments:

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