::Serendipity::

Depression Isn't For Sissies ________________________________________________________________

Feeling better after seeing the doctor Friday... She increased my dosage on my anti-depressants. Apparently I was on the minimal dose, and I can go up a few notches if need be. That should start helping in a couple weeks at the most. I cannot wait. I don't have time for this being depressed crap! It takes a lot out of a person.

She did diagnose me with a little TMJ. I've been clenching my jaw a lot and that's probably been causing my headaches. I think I've been clenching because I've been stressed about being depressed, so hopefully it will all go hand in hand and all my stupid symptoms will go bye-bye. Because I gave myself one whopper of a jaw clenching headache all day Saturday. Now it just comes and goes when I yawn too big. But the pain in my jaw is pretty constant. Weird, right? I've never heard of TMJ before. Michael wants me to see the dentist, but I'm going to see if the increased dosage works first. I could use a night guard, but the thought of sleeping with one of those in my mouth brings visions of more insomnia instead of dancing sugar plums.

Honestly? I felt so ashamed of being depressed for so long, that it kept me from doing something about it for years. And it took a brave blogger who wrote about her experience for me to make that decision. I still haven't told some people I'm on medication because they are less than supportive, thinking depression is nothing more then a state of mind. My MIL thinks that depressed people simply need to decide to be happy. While there is a wee bit of truth in that, it goes so much deeper. Real depression is an imbalance in brain chemistry. It's not something you can just "snap out of" because Lord knows, I've tried. I used to annoy people with my positive attitude, but even Pollyanna can get depressed.

Once I started taking medication, the fog lifted. I was my old self again. It wasn't as hard to think of things I wanted to say when having a conversation. I actually wanted to be in situations where I would have a conversation! No more brain clouds where the words wouldn't come to me, or I'd say a different word then what I was thinking. I could manage to get through my day without needing to sleep and I was as productive as I wanted to be! I knew how to have fun again. So when I started slipping again, it really freaked me out. It took me a while to work myself up to talking to my doctor, which was silly in retrospect, but it was another symptom.

I do think that as a nation, we're over-medicated. There's a pill for everything. If I see one more ad for penis dysfunction, I am going find "Bob" and rip that smile off his face! But sometimes that stigma works against us, and we don't take medication when we really need to. I hate taking pills. My grandma took so many pills, I don't know how she kept them straight. In my case, and so many others though, it is necessary.

So if you're afraid what your friends, MIL, brother or daughter might say, don't be. Go talk to your doctor. Take this quiz I linked to the depression website and take it to your doctor so you can both understand your symptoms. It's a medical condition, it's not all in your head. It's not something you can snap out of and Tom Cruise won't knock on your door. Do something about it. Live your life, don't just try and survive it.

posted by Terri at 9/24/2007 11:05:00 AM >11 comments

11 Comments:

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